HOOT Online, Issue 27, January 2014– Micro Fiction, Poetry, Memoir, Book Reviews
BEATRIXIA CONTRAINDICATIONS
by Guinotte Wise
Artwork by Diana Marye Huff
Beatrixia is not for everyone. Do not take Beatrixia if you are nursing, thinking about nursing, or taking a nursing course. Talk to your doctor if suicidal, alcoholic or nursing. Beatrixia may cause sudden death, lightheadedness, hallucinations, cold sores, smart talk to co-workers, simple CMS or Drupal in the more bizarre cases. If you cannot pay for Beatrixia send for another copy of this information. Do not take Beatrixia if you are depressive, bipolar, or display signs of chest congestion, or are under 12. Beatrixia is not a substitute for credibility deficit or mucilage. If experiencing wistfulness, soul matrix or pre-mess-around symptoms, you’re on your own as nobody will be able to help much. Should you experience an erection lasting over four hours, well, this is, for some, great cause for celebration, yet compels some to call their doctors even if they aren’t on a first name basis.
TACKY STORIES
by Guinotte Wise
Artwork by Diana Marye Huff
My uncle was a gambler and kept money in his shoe. We would drop my grandmother off at church on Sunday and she would tell him, “Now, Pete, don’t tell him any tacky stories.” And he would say “Okay, chief,” which he always called his mother. Then we would drive downtown to Union Station and he would buy a copy of the Daily Racing Form, and place a bet with someone there by the magazine stand. He would make notations in a small black book where he kept horses’ names and statistics. He had a system, he said.
“The tacky story,” I would say, maybe pointing to his freshly scarred knuckles. He’d tell me all about a contretemps at The Blue Goose where he’d had to fight his way out.
Then he’d gun the Lincoln Zephyr and say, “Want to see it fly?”
—
Guinotte Wise is a sculptor/writer and winner of the H. Palmer Hall award for his 2013 collection of short stories, Night Train, Cold Beer. Some work is at www.wisesculpture.com or https://www.facebook.com/
Diana Marye Huff: artist, California-born, New York-educated, paints on wood, words on paper, currently doing all of the above in Kansas City, Missouri. Love: Balzac, Tom Waits, St. Francis and Toulouse-lautrec.
